My Brick Wall

My brick wall is composed of 583 bricks and counting. Yes some bricks may be older, smaller than others, or lost some of their coloring, but they still stand strong together. Brick no. 106 has the names of all the people who have helped me in my hard times. No. 31- family and friends of course. No. 497- people who smile at their phones for who knows what reason. No. 127- getting popcorn at the movies. Each one makes me happier and builds up my wall to stop the bad things mom was talking about back in 5th grade. Each day my wall gets stronger than ever. There's no breaking it down only stalling the build up.

Sister

My sister and I are were close. So what went wrong? What changed between now and then? Has it really been all those years..

I miss the late afternoons walking home from school singing those silly songs and talking about the things that don't matter to adults. I miss the nights laying in bed talking back and forth in our room. I miss playing dress up and doing exactly as you do cause that's what little sisters do. They see the best in their older siblings and think they're extraordinary. All they want to do is be exactly like the older one. 

That's not how I see you anymore. 

I know sisters fight but not like this.
Sisters aren't supposed to call each other dirty names and make eachother cry this much. Whenever they say I'm like you in school it makes me want to punch something. I don't want to be like you. You are no longer my extraordinary big sister.

Some might think this is a shitty depressing post but it's the truth

 I still want to be your sister, but you don't want what I do.
 And now I'm starting to want what you want. 

Last Minute

i dont even know. i hate being asked too many questions. it just makes me feel like im being attacked. i hate when you make fun of something i accidentally said. i dont like how we always have to talk. i dont like how when i say im sad you wont accept that i just am, there always has to be a reason with you. i'm done with people pretending to be when all they want is to get something like money, food, popularity, sex, etc. i'm done. i am sick of it all.

More shitty and more confusing than usual. im sorry.

All You Need Is Love

I can't help it I'm Falling In Love With You and with the idea of you. Love Is On Top in my world and now I think I truly am Lovin' You because you are my Shooting Star. My love for you is Unforgettable, it's that Baby Love you read about in books and see in the movies. You are my Kiss From A Rose.

Yet, you always find a reason to go, works taking you away, parents are telling you this and that, but my love for you has no distance limit, there Ain't No Mountain High Enough to keep me away, and your Parents Just Don't Understand  what you are to me. You've got me beggin you, "Oh Darling please Lets Stay Together, I know we can make it through this." My Heart Will Go On but it will never be the same, not since you told me You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'.  I miss coming home to your lovely voice telling me "I Need Your Love" and me replying "I Got You Babe" but times have changed, you are gone, and there's no telling when you will be Back In My Arms Again.

Baby I'm All Out of Love for anyone but you because I Will Always Love You, and when you're ready to come back I'll Be There cause there is this Crazy Little Thing Called Love and its bringing you back to me. So the next time you go please remember that I will love you Here, There and Everywhere.

P.S. I Love You.

What Am I?

I can not explain the simplicity of how my mind works, because it is in no way, shape, or form simple. My mind can not solve every problem in seconds. It can not be reprogrammed to create what you want. It can not be organized, always messy. My mind can not be predicted or calculated, there is no pattern to my mind. My mind can not be is not a mind of a robot.

My mind can however create things on its own. It can understand feelings of others and how to deal with them. I can still work on my own. My mind can be sassy and dumb, stubborn and depressed. Procrastination is my minds biggest problem, as you can tell by me posting this with only 30 minutes to spare. My mind does need fixing when it is damaged just like that of a robots but that does not make me a machine.

I am not a robot, but that does not make me human.

I like this and I don't know why. I do not have much of anything to say today. Sorry. 

Currently...

Feeling:

  A) happy

B) loved

  C) hungry

                D) all of the above 

Eating: tea and cookie dough.

   ( I don't care if it makes me fat, it makes me feel good)

Listening to: Young Bodies by Westward The Tide. 

    A friend showed them to me back in 9th grade. 

    He was actually more than a friend...

Hanging out with: my super handsome boyfriend who 

   makes me really happy. 

Smelling: my tea and his really good smelling cologne that

 he knows I love. 

Thinking about: my future. It looks good at the moment

   but that's only for the moment and who knows where 

   we'll go from here. I hope what I see is pretty accurate,

    I could live like that.