Love stuff and maybe hate stuff too

I don't miss you. 

I mean I do but not in that way. 

Yes I think about you every now and then, how you used to be mine and I yours

But what I really think about is having you.

Having someone there 

Having someone to wake up to and fall asleep to.

Having that forever lasting happy feeling just from looking at another person. 

I miss having that. 

But not necessarily with you

Yes you made me happy 

But I can see now it wasn't as good of a happy as it could have been 

You're a lot happier and I want to get to that point too 

I miss having someone 

Anyone

Having the feeling that everything is going to be alright 

The feeling that you'll always be there when I need you, which lets be honest is always I'm a helpless mess. 

I miss having the random meaningless conversations awaiting to be forgotten 

I miss the places I can no longer go without thinking of you 

I don't miss your laugh or your eyes cause they made me cry

I don't miss the nights that followed it all. 

I don't miss the thoughts that ran through my mind 

Over and over 

And over 

And over. 

The thing that scares me is how real it all felt and how it's completely different now. 

I thought I meant what I said but that was all bullshit. 

Bullshit. 

Bullshit. 

Bullshit!!

But it scares me cause how am I supposed to know when it's real. 

Is it ever real?

I miss the memories and the ideas 

The x's and o's

I miss so much and still so little. 

I miss the cute little gifts 

The notes and texts. 

I miss the reminder that everything will be okay. 

I miss the lazy days together 

And all the giggles, tears, and z's in between. 

I miss that. 

Not you.